Dr House – griffige Zitate gesucht

[about Cuddy]
Dr. Robert Chase: You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been… nasty.
Dr. Gregory House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven’t slept with. I am that good.

oder
„weniger lesen, mehr fernsehen“ (schon mehrfach genannt, immer wieder erstaunlich treffend)

oder
„das ist absurd – ich liebe es“

gut auch
Dr. Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?
Dr. Gregory House: Nonexistent… otherwise, excellent.

oder
Stacy Warner: God, you are such an idiot.
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.

nanana…
Dr. Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don’t have sex.
Dr. Gregory House: Their mistake.

englischsprachig, aber beeindruckend ist dieser:
Dr. Cameron: I’m uncomfortable about sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, we don’t have to talk about this…
Dr. Cameron: Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent. It’s ugly. And it’s messy. And if God hadn’t made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
[She pauses to catch her breath]
Dr. Robert Chase: [He is speechless]
Dr. Cameron: Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [enters]
Dr. Cameron: [as if nothing had just occurred] Hey Foreman. What’s up?

nicht weniger lehrreich
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, a rash, call a dermatologist. If it’s wet, keep it dry. If it’s dry, keep it wet. If it’s not supposed to be there, cut it off. I never could remember all that.

ein schelm, wer böses dabei denkt:
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.

und so buchstabiert man „team“:
Dr. Gregory House: Like I always say, there’s no „I“ in team. There’s a „me“ though, if you jumble it up.

und noch einer:
Dr. Gregory House: I’m extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting, new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce.

wie wahr, wie wahr…
Dr. Gregory House: Overall, drug addicts are idiots

und über den Hippokratischen Eid:
Dr. Eric Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
Dr. Gregory House: The one that starts, „First, do no harm“, then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn’t impressed.

der doc und die liebe technik:
Dr. Wilson: [Wilson calls House on Stacy’s cell phone] Did you forget to charge the batteries in your cell phone?
Dr. Gregory House: They charge? I just keep buying new phones.

und einen noch:
Dr. Gregory House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a…
[pauses]
Dr. Gregory House: I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.